Tuesday, August 02, 2005
(05/02/2005)context: you've met the nerd squad. and you got tired of them pretty easily. now meet their cuter, more feminine counterparts! yeah! the girls get new names as well: placke - Hyper Bubbles (HB), luciana - the Peruvian Booger (pb), ms. Grady - SunsetChick (SC - not to be confused with SoC). I've always been the PB. fashizzle.able to pick out a sassy nail polish color for that special date...not able to understand why Colin Farrell is considered attractive by other women...way better looking than the Nerd Squad...it's...
placke: HYPER BUBBLES! WHEE! *poses, wearing a cool outfit with bright, blinding colors with a lot of sparkles and bunnies and puppies and hello kitty*
*cuts to shot of HB being...HB...running around and making the bad guys' heads explode*
me: *wearing a cool, black outfit that makes her look really hot* and... *hair flip* The Butterfly of DEATH...or um,
psykadelicbutterfly.
*cuts to shot of PB, um...typing? glaring at someone?* *oh! or aiming her suction-cup crossbow at a badguy's head*
...with their sidekick, the Peruvian Booger! (pb - not to be confused with psykadelicbutterfly (PB) (c) (TM) (R)
*cuts to shot of luciana, with her finger in her nose, wearing neon green shorts, a towel for a cape, and goggles; kicking a bad guy in the shin*(don't ask)
HB: together, we form to become...
All: *pose* THE ASIAN CHICKS WHO AREN'T EVEN REALLY FULLY ASIAN!
*cool sassy women's-lib music, with like...an awesome rock guitar solo*
...with Gourd-Man's nemesis...the Shaman of CHEESE!
CS: WHAHAHAHAH! *wild posing*
PB: wow, he gets around.
CS: yeah well, i need the money. high cheese rates, you know.
HB: weren't you in jail mister shaman-man? weren't ya? huhuhuhuh?
CS: o.O;; um...yes...
HB: how is jail? is it fun? is it hyper? do they have sunshine muffins there? do they have sparkles? DOTHEYHUH!?
CS: ...*steps back* ..um...if i say yes will you not hurt me?
pb: MY FINGER HAS MERGED WITH MY NOSE! LOOK!
CS: ach! ew! stop that!
pb: *runs around in her towel-cape, finger in her nose*
Ms. Grady: hey! what about me?
PB: you're not asian. at all. seriously. just sit and be pretty over there.
Ms. Grady: oh, okay. *sparkles*
Gourd-Man: *dreamy sigh* oh, schmoopie.
CS: hey i have a question. since you guys are all
AsIaNy and stuff, why is the booger one called Peruvian?
HB: because she looks Asian, sillyface!
CS:
your face is gonna be silly, in...um...a minute...
HB: TOO LATE WHWHAHEHEHE! *runs around, turning kinetic energy into raisins*
CS: WAH! AH! MEH! GYAH! *flails arms, and watches bug-eyed as raisins appear out of nowhere* ARGH! I HATE RAISINS!
pb: HAHAH! las pasas parecerÃan mejores en mi nariz! o su nariz. HAH!
PB: what?
pb: i said the raisins would look better in my nose! or his nose.
CS: GAH! ENOUGH OF THIS! *evil glare and pose*
female audience: ooh...he's so hot, like a dark, angsty bishie!
PB: ........don't ever say that again.
CS: *pose* i will now conjure up cheese-like versions of your weaknesses!
PB: how do you know our weaknesses? we only keep those in our super-special-asiany-diaries.
CS: ...eBay.
PB: CRAP!
CS: *conjures up each of the sorta asiany chicks' weaknesses, which happen to be mostly male-ish* for the PB...I will use....AN. AUSSIE. HOT-GUY. HAHASUFFERHAHA!*a vision of a hot austrailian hunk appears...
no one in particular ...just...some guy...yep*
PB: GAH! no! ...*choke* *whips out her suction-cup crossbow* DON'T MOVE SAUCY AUSSIE MAN! OR I'll DO IT! (eventhoughiwanttohaveyourbaby) I SWEAR!
HB: i don't swear. i know all words though. tee-hee! *twinkles*
Cute aussie guy: *sweatdrop* *twitch*
PB: *fires* *hits the aussie guy in the forehead, who falls to the ground* ....i didn't want to...but i'm just so strong and independent and feministic...*sob*
male audience: ...*drool* she's sooo hoooot...
CS: CURSES! *conjures up a hot asian guy* BOW TO HIS BISHIE-HOTNESS!*vision of a hot asian bishie appears...guess who this is for...yep*
HB: *SQUEEE!!!!* *leaves a trail of sparkles and twinkles and raisins as she glomps the poor asian man out of existence*
hot asian bishie: o.O;; *dissolves*
male audience: ...she's so cute it's...um...hoooot....
CS: GAH! crap! fine then! *conjures up his last vision...a vision of...*
pb: DR. PEPPER YAY! *goes and chugs the entire thing* .....*burps soundly* *replaces her finger in her nose*
male audience: a chick who can burp is...yeah, hoooot............................i want pizza.
CS: ...*nears an aneurysm* ...i'm not sure which is more annoying...the Nerd Squard or the Asian Chicks Who Aren't Certain of Their Heritage.
PB: It's THE ASIAN CHICKS WHO AREN'T EVEN REALLY FULLY ASIAN! *sends a suction-cup arrow to CS's forehead* get it right, Cheese Master!
CS: ...*sweatdrop* ...*starts crying*
All: *pause* .......AWWwwwwWWWWw....! *squee*
Female audience: *pause* .......AWWwwwwWWWWw....! *squee* he's not afraid to cry!
All: *gather around the CS and console him*
CS: *sniffsniff* it's just.....it just that nothing was ever good enough for my parents! *SOB* it's why i turned to *SOB* ....CHEESE!
PB: it's okay, CS. it takes a real man to cry. or...use cheese as a weapon. no wonder the Nerd Squad doesn't understand you.
HB: *glomps CS* WE LOVE YOU, CHEESE MAN! teehee *flings sparkles at him*
pb: Si! mi nariz es su nariz.
CS: ..um...thanks?
All: *take the CS to taco bell, and then shopping, chatting about problems and pet peeves and favorite sweater patterns and shoes and why pb looks asian even though she's from peru and why PB looks hispanic even though she's half asian...and why HB is so freakin' hyper*
CS: well gals, i have to go now. curfew's at eleven, you know.
PB: ah, to be young again. i mean, um...yeah...you'll have to go in early for, um...rehab...you tough guy, you.
*later, in a place that doesn't look like a low-rate girls' dorm at all*
me: *polishes toenails* ...man, that was a really lame debut for us...i mean, um...whew...a superheroine's job is never done. or something.
placke: w00t! DDR! TO THE MAX!
me: don't get too involved. you never know when our communicator watch thingies might beep. *stares at it*.....*continues staring* ...*stare*
placke: WOO! I'M ON STANDARD NOW!
male audience: sooo...hooot...
me: *keeps staring* ....*stares* ......*stare* okay maybe not. maybe? *stare* okayno.
luciana: *rushes into the room* YOUGUYSYOUGUYS! MY FINGER HAS MERGED WITH MY NOSE AGAIN!
All: *cheesy fake laughing until the credits roll* AHAHAHHA. HAHAHA...HAA....
me: HA...ahem. oh, keep going. HAHAHAHAHAHHA-
*tune in next time for the not as irritating as the Nerd Squad's adventures of...*
All: *pose* THE ASIAN CHICKS WHO AREN'T EVEN REALLY FULLY ASIAN!
man...gotta find a shorter title...
teh PB sez; 7:10 AM
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(04/09/2005)context: there is no context. oh. well, the int'l square fair happened. a rather stressful event.*at the Int'l Square Fair*
me: 0.O;;;
placke: O.O;;;
luciana: RAAH!
Jan's cooked bratwurst: .....eatme.
me: where'sthenextperformerineedthenextperformerwhoaretheyanywayAUGH! *runs around in circles*
crowd: *whoosh*
placke: *in a stress-induced stupor* *kills something*
luciana: wee!
*afterwards*
me: *THUD*.........*snerk*
teh PB sez; 7:06 AM
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(03/19/2005)context: the first appearance of the nerd squad. also, the guys get their new names. J - Gourd-Man (GM, G-M, or gourdy), GSG - the GoStoneMaster (GSM), Mr. G - Monotone Guy (MG), little J - CheeseShaman (CS or SoC).Able to leap tall equations with one mouse click...faster than a corny joke gone bad...sillier than that one guy you went to high school with...it's...
J: *poses* GOURD-MANNNN!!
*switches to shot of G-M shaking his gourd and groovin'* *shake-a shake-a shake-a*
Gostoneguy: and... *flex* the GO STONE MASTER!
*switches to shot of the GSM deftly flinging go stones upside a bad guy's head*
Mr. G: what? oh. and um....*sashay* MEEE!
G-M and GSM: ...wha?
Mr G: er...Monotone Guy?*switches to shot of MG calmly reading from the dictionary, making the bad guys drop their guns and go unconcious*
G-M: together, we join forces to become...All: THE NERD SQUAD! *pose* *in nerdy outfits with those cheap sunglasses with the neon-colored frames*
*cool 70's music, like from Shaft or something*
featuring Gourd-Man's arch nemesis....the Shaman of...Cheeeese....*dundunDUN*
little J: AHAHAHHA! ph33r m3! *conjures up slices of cheese* you will nevah defeat me, stupid nerd squad! BOW TO MY BRILLIANCE!
G-M: yeah, more like...lackluster...ance...
CS: >_< *flings cheese*
G-M: AH! my eye!
CS: BWHAH!
GSM: *jumps into the, um, fray* that's enough, Cheese Shaman! your days are over! like...um...like when i capture all of my opponent's territory!
MG: ...what?
GSM: like, uh....Kenny G's career?
G-M: huh?
GSM: ...like...milk turned sour?
G-M & MG: oooh. 9.9
CS: ENOUGH! *dunDUNNNN* *wild posing, flailing his, um, cape, that all bad guys have, y'know* *points at G-M* this is annoying like...like...you guys in general! or like that one teacher i had my freshman year of college!
MG: you mean a few weeks ago?
CS: shutup! *points at G-M again* I challenge you to....a D. D. R. ....standoff.
the audience: *GASP*
G-M: we have an audience? c007!
MG: ...cooz?
G-M: no man, like....cool.
MG: oh.
CS: *flail* DO YOU MIND?! I'm challenging you to like a standoff!
GSM: for what, exactly? and could we hurry this up? my Deathstar's double-parked.
CS: *exasperated, with a vein popping out of his forehead like in anime cartoons* it's um...it's for the Belltower!
the audience: *GASP*
CS: i'll blow it up! I'll do it! *runs over to a HUGE control panel, because obviously the guys were in CS's lair this entire time* *hovers over a ginormous red button*
G-M: eh, go ahead. that thing was a waste of money anyways. Btw, do you have a pair of handcuffs? as protest, i still plan to handcuff myself to presiden-- i mean...um...high counselor flatt.
CS: you don't live in the star wars movies! you're a
nerd!
G-M: why thank you. *smile* *Winks at camera*
female audience: *sigh*
MG: wait! I know what to do! *grabs the phonebook and reads from it, in a low, monotone, coma-inducing voice*
female audience: oooh...
CS: careful ladies, that one's engaged. i mean-- gah! *choke* stop it!
G-M: excellent idea! *shakes the gourd* *shake-a shake-a shake-a*
CS: blargh! curse yoooou! *cough* *flings cheese at them*
G-M and MG: ow! *hit the ground* we've been CHEEEEEEEEE-Zed!
GSM: *falls to his knees, crying to the sky* NOOOO! IS THERE NO JUSTICE?!
G-M: *nibbles on some cheese* ooh! sharp cheddar! i like sharp cheddar.
MG: really? i'm a creme broo-lay man myself.
CS: hahaaaaaaaaa *skips around in his cape*
GSM: *reaches down deep inside himself, and pulls out his, um...inner nerd?* *eyes start glowing* *leaps into the air and flings some go stones, beaning CS in the head*
CS: OW!? *gasp* *chokecough* *flail* NOOOOOOOOOOOO--*inhale*-- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *thud* you...you....you! now i'll have bruises on my pretty face!audience: *cheer*
female audience: *SQUEE!*
GSM: *superhero pose*
CS: *gets hauled off by the cops* CRUSE YOU, NERD SQUARD!
Cops: ...huh?
CS: I mean...CURSE YOU, NERD SQUAD! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF THE SHAMAN OF CHEEESE!
MG: he yells a lot. and wouldn't he like, use magick (prounounced with a k) to defeat us? since he's like a shaman and all?
CS: WAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
*later, at the local studen cent--i mean, um...pub?*
J, Mr. G, and GoStoneGuy: *in civilian clothes* *clink their styrofoam cups together*
J: well guys, another day in the life.
Mr. G: yeah i tell you...it's not easy being a superhero. since like, our powers are incredibly awesome.
GoStoneGuy: i know! it's so difficult to hide our identities! it's like -- *watch beeps* uhoh. we're needed again, guys. my communicator, just, y'know, beeped.
J: we have communicator watch thingies? cooz! i mean, cool!
Mr. G: leeeet's...go!
all: *pose*
Tune in next time for the excruciating adventures of....*more cool 70's music*
All: THE NERD SQUARD! err...SQUAD!
teh PB sez; 6:56 AM
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Monday, August 01, 2005
(03/12/2005)context: the gang heads over to GSG's place for some kicks and giggles. mainly giggles. there were way too many giggles. we weren't high on drugs - just high on life.*at GoStoneGuy's apt. ...that's apartment for short...*
note: *splort* is a term for when someone first starts laughing out loud really hard. y'know...it's the sound they make. kinda.
J: woo! movie!
Soon-to-be-Mrs. G: SQUEE! SCHMOOPIE I'M SCARED! *latches onto his leg*
Mr. G: *holds her* it's okay, schmoopie. i'll protect you from the...um..scary music...
me: IT'S A DRAGONFLY AHHH!
Mr. G: and the...er...freakishly terrifying dragonfly...and the squiggle thingy.
the girls: EEEEE!
the guys: AHHHH!
the girls: EEEEE!
the guys: WAUGH!
GoStoneGuy: are we done?
J: no not yet. AH! okay done.
placke: AIEEE! *falls on Nat*
me: gah!
Pikachu: ...chu? chu!
everyone: GYAH!
*afterwards*
J and Ms. Grady: munchietimes! woot!
Ms. Grady: *inhales a bag of combos* ....*puts wrist to forehead* oh schmoopie, my stomach...
J: we should overthrow the school. WHO'S WITH ME?!
Ms. Grady: ahem...i SAID...oh schmoopie, my stomach!
J: oh, sorry schmoopie. here, eat some tums. WHO'S WITH ME! THE MANAGEMENT SUCKS!
GoStoneGuy: watch the language! ...and...don't get me evicted!
J: i'm going to handcuff myself to president Flatt as a protest!
me: that Flatt is one good lookin' president. meow. what? oh. um...sparklebunnies?
Placke: SPARKLEBUNNIES! YAY!
me: or rainbow monkeys.
Placke: *laughs at everything and nothing in particular* *splort*
GoStoneGuy: *laughs at everyone and nothing in particular*
me: *stare* ...*scoots away*
Ms. Grady: *dreamy sigh* oh schmoopie. you're so schmoopalicious when you're vindicative.
J: *flexes...sort of*
*later*
me: it's getting rather late.
J: NAHHH. let's play inane games! like....*pose* MAFIA!
everyone: *throws sharp, inanimate objects at him*
me:
you're gonna need a mafia in..um...a minute...
J: *loses glasses* or cranium?
me: *pulls out a club cranium card*
J and GoStoneGuy: CLUB CRANIUM SQUEE!
the girls: *stare* ...you just squee'd.
GoStoneGuy: *in a sleepy stupor* ...cheesedoodle.
Placke: ....*splort*
J: *does his impression of a celebrity that NO ONE has heard of* *bats eyelashes*...*girly voice* like a virgin...*pose*
everyone: *heads asplode* ....*splort*
the end, thank goodness
teh PB sez; 2:03 PM
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(2/13/2005)context: little J suggested everyone go to the mall. scrabble and insanity ensues.*at dinner*
little J: i want to go to the mall. we should go to the mall. it looks mallish!
LtG: BRILLIANT! mall city ho!
little J: *blink* ...did you just call me a ho?
LtG: ..what? no! get in the car!
me: ....hey placke, look! *places cups sideways, the tray sideways, everything sideways*
placke: WAUGH! stopit!
Ms. Grady: i don't like dentists. what? oh. schmoopie, would you like to go to the mall?
J: whatever you say, schmoopie. *sparkles*
little J: w00t!
*on the way over*
LtG: i'm driving like J! woo! *SWERVE*
Chris: O.O
LtG: MUSAK! *blares the speakers*
Erika: *as her ears bleed* GYAH!
*at a brand name store i won't mention*
everyone: *powershops, browses, gets dumbfounded by all the bright colors and noises*
me and Chris: we're not gonna buy anything! we radiate prudence! *pose*
little J: you should see a specialist about that.
me: ...quiet, you.
J: look, schmoopie! pants!
Ms. Grady: oh! it's so schmoopie-like! *more sparkles*
Erika: ...i wish my schmoopie was here. i want sparkles!
little J: SPARKLEBUNNIES!
me: would you stop that?
little J: no, seriously, like...i saw some. in the dressing room.
*at the mall*
little J: *buys guy stuff*
the girls: *take ten hours to buy...two things, collectively*
little J: *goes unconcious in some alley someplace* 9.o
LtG: BACK IN THE CAR! *SWERVE*
*back at Lipu in Shamblin, Scrabble central*
J: IT'S SCRABBLE CONVENTION '05! WOO! HELLO CLEVELAND!
me: yeah actually we're in nashville.
Ms. Grady: ...yes, schmoopie. sitdown.
GoStoneGuy: you realize the real reason i'm here is because of the music and...the chocolate.
me: yeah, me too.
J & GoStoneGuy: *make obscure/nonexistant words, like...riri...or...themex...*
Ms. Grady: oh! look at that! *bats eyelashes* i winnnn!
J: yeah schmoopie, and only by a googleplex of points this time!
GoStoneGuy: *wagging finger* we're catching up to you!
J: for real!
J & GoStoneGuy: *do some...nerdy cheer*
me: *stare* *blink*
the end
teh PB sez; 1:57 PM
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(01/05/2005)context: J was in the process of raising funds for a mission trip to Saba in the spring. little J is just crazy. i was never a cheerleader. NEVER.little J: *eye twitch*
J: *chases the RCoC church elders around, taps on the windows of their houses, camps out overnight on their lawns, harasses their pets, ect.* pleeeeeeeeeeeease give me money!
little J: *twitch* must go back to...school...skool...scewwl...*goes insane and flings napkins at people*
me: stop that! we're at a StarB-- er, trendy coffeehouse shop thing!
J: we should go to Targ-- um... a conveniently placed retail store that has a bullseye for a logo.
me: yay! *pose*
J: we're you ever a cheerleader?
me: *twitch* BLASPHEMY! SACRILEGE! HERETIC! *lightning bolts*
J: *hides behind a metal table, which probably doesn't really help his plight* ee! sorry!
little J: HAHAHA! URR-SURR-PERR!
J: *drives to aforementioned retail store without his truck's headlights on, at night, like, in the dark* ...oh. hah. do you think they have some money i could have?
the end
teh PB sez; 1:54 PM
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(12/03/2004)context: on the way to and from Lipsomb, during Christmas vacation.*on the way home from LipU*
*in J's car*
J: yay Florida!
Ms. Grady: *sparkles*
J: this'll be the schmoopiest vacation ever.
Ms. Grady: yes it will, Schmoopie. *more sparkles*
*in my car*
little J: *blares anime songs from his little cd speakers* JAPANESE MUSIC! OHIOOOOOOOOOO!
me: *swerves*
*on the way back from Florida, at night*
*in J's car*
Ms. Grady: schmoopie? i love you.
J: i love you more.
Ms. Grady: no i love you more.
J: no, i love you even more!
Ms. Grady: no I love-
*in my car*
little J: aren't all the red brake lights beautiful? *calls J on his cellphone numerous times* are we there yet? *changes radio stations incessantly* SPARKLEBUNNIES! *random singing*
me: ....look at my hand. it's so... hand-like!
little J: *stare* 0.0
me: what? would you like to drive?
little J: actually i'd like to stare at my own hand!
me: *eye twitch*
the end
teh PB sez; 1:49 PM
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11/16/2004context: see title. the first episode of PB theatre. Ev-ar.little J: i am master of the universe. BOW TO MY BRILLIANCE!
J: but the law of physics state that-
little J: *judo chop*
J: *loses eyeglasses* ...ow?
Ms. Grady: oh! schmoopie! are you alright?
J: *goofy* as long as you're around, schmoopie.
Ms. Grady: *as cherry blossoms start floating down from someplace* no, you're schmoopie. *bats eyelashes*
J: you're schmoopie!
Ms. Grady: you're -
Rick and Erika: hey, that's our line. *loving glances* ^-^
Mr. Jones: i shall now quote random red vs. blue sayings!
little J: *places random things in random places* *laughs maniacally*
Ms. Farris: ITALY HERE I COME!
Jason and Tonya: *stare* *blink*
me: ...can i go now?
little J: why aren't you people bowing to my brilliance yet? *paints something brilliant* *random sparkles*
the end
teh PB sez; 1:46 PM
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